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How to spot a narcissist on the first date

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How to spot a narcissist on the first date

Spotting a narcissist early can save you from future heartache and disappointment.

A narcissist can charm their way into your life, but deep down, they care mostly about themselves.

While they may seem perfect at first, it’s essential to know the signs so that you don’t end up feeling undervalued or manipulated.

Narcissists use charm and confidence as their greatest weapons. Their smile might light up the room, and they could make you feel like the most important person in the world. But, beneath the charisma lies a need for control and attention that can leave you feeling drained.

Here’s how to pick up on narcissistic behavior from the get-go, so you can keep yourself safe and happy.

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1. They dominate the conversation

A narcissist tends to talk excessively about themselves, their achievements, and their interests, showing little interest in learning about you.

A narcissist talk excessively about themselves [LinkedIn]

If your date rarely asks questions about your life or interrupts you frequently, it may be a red flag.

2. They exhibit superficial charm

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While initial charm can be appealing, be cautious if it feels insincere or over-the-top. Narcissists often use flattery and charisma to win you over quickly.

3. They lack empathy

Pay attention to how your date responds to your feelings or stories. A narcissist may dismiss your emotions or fail to show genuine concern, indicating a lack of empathy.

4. They have a sense of entitlement

Narcissists believe they deserve special treatment. If your date expects preferential treatment or becomes upset when things don’t go their way, it could be a warning sign.

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5. They violate personal boundaries

Observe if your date respects your personal space and boundaries. Narcissists may push limits early on, disregarding your comfort and preferences.

6. They seek constant validation

A narcissist craves admiration and may fish for compliments or boast about their accomplishments to receive praise. This need for validation can be a key indicator.

7. They display arrogant behaviour

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Watch for signs of arrogance, such as belittling the waiter, bragging excessively, or acting superior. This behaviour reflects an inflated sense of self-importance.

Watch for signs of arrogance, such as belittling the waiter [Stern]

8. They have few long-term relationships

If your date mentions having few close friends or strained family relationships, it might indicate difficulty maintaining long-term connections, a common trait among narcissists.

9. They react poorly to criticism

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Narcissists react poorly to criticism [Glam]

Narcissists often struggle with accepting criticism. If your date becomes defensive or angry when faced with constructive feedback, it could be a sign.

10. They exhibit manipulative behavior

Be cautious if your date tries to control the conversation, steer plans to their liking, or use guilt to influence your decisions. Manipulation is a common tactic used by narcissists.

If something feels off during the date, trust your gut feelings to avoid potential emotional harm.

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ALSO READ: 7 signs you might be in a relationship with a narcissist

This content was created with the help of an AI model and verified by the writer.
#spot #narcissist #date


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Lifestyle

ASK PULSE: My boyfriend sponsored my education, but I can’t marry him

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My boyfriend sponsored my university education, but I can’t marry him because he is uneducated and local.

Dear Pulse,

I met my boyfriend at a popular market in Enugu when I was 18. He was 25 at the time, selling spare parts, while I was learning tailoring because my family couldn’t afford to send me to university.

ALSO READ: ASK PULSE: My girlfriend beats me but I can’t let go

We started dating, and a year into the relationship, he shocked me with a question: “Do you want to further your education?” I was stunned and he was willing to pay for it.

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I wrote JAMB and got into UNN to study Economics and he covered everything from my JAMB registration, school fees, house rent, monthly allowance, clothes, shoes, and food. When I wanted to start a business in school, he refused. He wanted me to focus on my studies and graduate with at least a 2:1 and I did.

Now, I’m serving in Abuja, and through a friend I met at NYSC camp, I secured a government job that pays ₦400,000 monthly. My boyfriend wasn’t happy at first, but he supported it since there were no job offers in Enugu. Now, he wants to get married.

I’m not surprised, I mean we’ve been together for six years. But here’s the problem: I met another man in Abuja.

He’s educated, sophisticated, and takes care of me. He also wants to marry me. My Enugu boyfriend, though uneducated and “local,” cares for me deeply. With the Abuja man, I see fancy trips and a luxurious life. With my Enugu boyfriend, I see stability and care, but on a more modest level.

Now, my Abuja boyfriend is asking me to tell my Enugu boyfriend to name his price so he can compensate him and “clear the way” for our relationship.

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ALSO READ: ASK PULSE: I once dated my girlfriend’s mother: should I confess?

Should I do it? Would money soften the pain of a breakup? Or should I just end things respectfully? What should I do?

— Chinaza.

Dear Chinaza,

This is a tough situation, and here’s my honest advice:

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  • Money Can’t Buy Closure – Offering your Enugu boyfriend money might seem like an easy way out, but it could be deeply hurtful. Paying him off reduces your relationship to a financial deal, which it was never meant to be.

  • Be Honest and Take Responsibility – If you no longer want to be with him, you owe him honesty. A breakup will hurt, no matter what, but it’s more respectful to have a mature conversation rather than trying to compensate with money.

  • Ask Yourself: What Do You Truly Want? – Are you leaving him because you’ve outgrown the relationship, or are you just tempted by the material comfort the Abuja man offers? Long-term happiness isn’t just about luxury—it’s about emotional connection, respect, and compatibility.

  • Be Fair to Yourself and Both Men – It’s important to make a decision that aligns with your values, not just your circumstances. If your heart is no longer with your Enugu boyfriend, don’t drag the relationship on out of guilt. But if your Abuja boyfriend is only appealing because of lifestyle perks, consider whether that’s a solid foundation for marriage.

  • End Things with Grace, Not Guilt – If you choose to leave, do it with gratitude and respect. He has been a huge part of your journey, and his kindness should be met with appreciation, not just a payout.

Whatever you decide, make sure it’s a choice you can live with without regret.

— Pulse.

ALSO READ: ASK PULSE: I have sex with my husband 3 times a day yet he still cheats


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What to do if you get locked out of your house without a key

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Getting locked out of your house is frustrating, embarrassing, and, depending on the time of day, even a little scary. 

But before you start thinking about breaking the door, there are smarter, safer, and more practical ways to get back inside.

Here’s what you can do if you ever find yourself locked out without a key.

1. Stay calm and check all doors & windows

First things first, don’t panic. Take a deep breath and check if any other entry points are unlocked. Try all the doors, even the back door or garage, just in case. 

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Also, check for any slightly open windows that you might be able to slide open safely. 

ALSO READ: 5 harsh truths about moving abroad no one tells you

2. Call someone who has a spare key

Do you have a roommate? A family member who lives nearby? A trusted neighbor who holds a spare? Now’s the time to call them. If you gave a friend or relative an extra key, this is the moment that decision pays off.

3. Try the credit card trick (only works on certain locks)

If your door has a simple spring latch (not a deadbolt), you might be able to use a plastic card to pop it open. 

Here’s how:


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  • Pick a sturdy card (an old Cowry card is better than your actual credit card).

  • Insert it between the door and the frame where the latch is.

  • Wiggle and push the card downward while applying pressure to the door.

This trick doesn’t always work, but it’s worth trying before moving to more drastic options.

4. Use a shoelace if you have a doorknob lock

Got sneakers on? If your door has a knob lock with a push-button mechanism, you might be able to use a shoelace or thin string to unlock it:

  • Tie a small loop in the middle of the shoelace.

  • Slide it between the door and frame above the lock.

  • Work it down and try to loop it around the knob’s lock mechanism.

  • Pull tight and gently wiggle the door open.

This trick takes patience, but it’s worth trying.

ALSO READ: What to do if you accidentally put too much salt in your food

5. Call a carpenter when all else fails

If nothing works, it’s time to bring in the professionals. A carpenter can get you back inside quickly. Yes, it’ll cost you, but it’s better than breaking the door down and paying for repairs.

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Pro tip: If you rent, call your landlord before the carpenter. Some buildings have master keys.

How to prevent future lockouts 

Once you’re back inside, take steps to make sure this never happens again:

  • Hide a spare key – Keep one in a safe spot outside (not under the doormat; that’s too obvious).

  • Give a spare to a trusted neighbor or friend

  • Get in the habit of checking for your keys. Before stepping out, always do a mental “keys, phone, wallet” check.

ALSO READ: 5 shocking facts about prison life in Nigeria nobody talks about


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The most unfortunate people in history – These stories will make you cry

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Throughout history, some individuals have faced misfortunes so extreme that their lives read like tragic novels.

These individuals faced unimaginable hardships, their lives defined by relentless misfortune and fate’s cruellest twists. We couldn’t pick the most unfortunate person so we curated some of the most heartbreaking and unbelievable stories.

ALSO READ: 8 strange religious beliefs & practices you have never heard of

1. Darrell Simmons 

He was forced to be chemically castrated after he was wrongfully accused of multiple sexual assaults in the 1980s. Once he was released from prison, he was given a pretty substantial sum of money.

Through bad investments though, he sadly lost everything. While working at a saw mill to try and get his life back together, he lost his hand in a freak accident. One night while was out hunting with a friend, he was shot three times after being mistaken for a charging elk.

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After recovering from the shooting, he was at home shoveling his driveway when he was struck by lightning in a snow storm. Darrell ultimately died that night, but it was determined that he survived the strike and actually froze to death.

2. Joe Arridy

He was born to parents who were related and faced with severe learning difficulties, having an IQ of just 46, Joe didn’t even start talking until he was five. His family life was rocked when his dad got laid off, and unable to cope, they sent Joe to a state institution.

While there, Joe found himself the target of cruel bullying. During the Great Depression, he was accused of a gruesome crime; the rape and murder of a young girl in Pueblo, Colorado. Joe’s fate was sealed by a confession that was disjointed and filled with inaccuracies.

No physical evidence linked Arridy to the crime scene and his conviction was based solely on the questionable confession. He went to death row and on the day of his execution, Joe didn’t grasp the finality of what was happening. He left behind a bit of ice cream, which he requested as a last meal, asking for it to be refrigerated for later, not realizing there was no coming back from where they were taking him.

ALSO READ: This is why Celestians walk barefoot to church


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3.  Genie (Real Name Not Disclosed)

Genie was discovered at the age of 13 by a social worker. The young girl had been confined to a small room for the majority of her life. She spent most of her days naked, tied to a potty chair in her bedroom.

When she made a sound, her father would beat her. The rare times her father did communicate with Genie, was spent barking and growling at her like a dog. Her father fed her so little, that at the age of thirteen, she looked like she was only six years old.

Genie’s extreme isolation caused her severe disabilities. At the age of 13, she could barely walk or swallow her food. Her walk is often described as the ‘bunny walk’, as she held her hands in front like claws.

When Genie was rescued, she spent a number of years in speech and physical therapy. She eventually learned to walk and use the toilet. She started to learn and recognise words in basic sentences. However, she was unable to ask questions or understand English grammar. She spent the majority of her life in a facility.

4. Junko Furuta

Junko Furuta was a 16 year old Japanese girl who underwent 44 days of rape and torture before dying in the hands of her captors on November 22, 1989. Junko Furuta attended a high school in Misato, in Saitama Prefecture, Japan. She was a good looking, active teenager who enjoyed a lot of attention, one of whom was Hiroshi Miyano.

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He had a crush on her but Junko Furuta turned him down. On November 25, 1988 she was kidnapped by 4 teenage boys – one of them being Hiroshi Miyano. The boys took Junko Furuta to the house owned by the parents of one of the kidnappers in the Ayase district of Adachi, Tokyo.

During the course of 44 days following her kidnapping, Junko Furuta was forced to withstand unspeakable suffering:

  • Was humiliated by being kept naked most of the time-Was raped every day in both the vagina and anus.

  • More than 100 men are believed to have raped her. She’s estimated to have gone through about 500 rapes.

  • Endured physical beatings included hits with golf clubs and bashing of face against the cement floor.

  • Had various objects forced into her vagina and anus, including a bottle, an iron bar, scissors, roasting needles, grilled chicken skewers, etc.

After 30 days, Junko Furuta was unable to urinate properly due to damage to internal organs and to vulva from insertion of foreign object and burns from cigarettes and lighters. Junko Furuta begged her captors several times to just kill her and be done with it. They didn’t grant her that favor. Instead, on January 4, 1989, they challenged her to a game of Mahjong solitaire.

She won and that pissed the boys off so they treated her to a beating with an iron barbell and fire by setting her legs, arms, face and stomach alight after pouring lighter fluid on them. Being already badly beaten, dehydrated and malnourished, Junko Furuta fell into a shock and died the following day.

The murderers stuffed the dead girl’s body in a 55-gallon drum filled with concrete and disposed of it in Koto, Tokyo. All four perpetrators were caught and tried. However, because they were all under-aged when the crime was committed. Still, given the severity of their crimes, the sentences they were handed out were rather low

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Which of these individuals do you consider the most unfortunate person in history?

ALSO READ: Why Nigerian Kings never remove their crowns in public


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