Lifestyle

5 Nigerian parenting rules that are actually toxic

Published

Thursday, 1 May 2025, 4:57 pm

Contents

1. Children should be seen, not heard 2. If you’re not first, you’re a failure 3. The cane solves everything 4. My child, my retirement plan 5. “Parents never apologise”

Can we all agree that parenting in Nigeria comes with an unspoken rulebook, passed down through generations? Because there’s no way you can tell us that they didn’t all attend the same prestigious School of African Parenting, complete with standardised threats and guilt trips.

We’ve all heard the legendary “I’ll flog the stubbornness out of you” delivered with that special Nigerian parent glare, or the emotional “After all I’ve sacrificed for you” guilt trips. These parenting rules have been passed down.

But just because something is so normalised doesn’t mean it’s right. In fact, some of these rules do more harm than good, leaving emotional scars that last long into adulthood.

Let’s take a look at some Nigerian parenting rules that, quite frankly, need to be retired. This isn’t about disrespecting our parents; they did what they knew with the tools they had. But can we learn from their mistakes and do better for the next generation?

1. Children should be seen, not heard

There’s an unspoken rule in many Nigerian homes: children are to be quiet, obedient, and never question authority. Speak up? “Keep quiet before I slap you!” Express an opinion? “Who asked you?” Cry when you’re hurt? “Shut up!”

This rule teaches children that their feelings, thoughts, and voices don’t matter. A child who is constantly silenced grows into an adult who struggles to speak up, whether in relationships, at work, or even in defending themselves. They learn to swallow their pain, suppress their emotions, and avoid “causing trouble,” even when they’re being wronged.

A better way? Let children express themselves, even when it’s inconvenient. Teach them how to communicate respectfully instead of punishing them for having a voice.

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2. If you’re not first, you’re a failure

In Nigeria, coming second is not an option. Parents proudly declare, “My child must be the best!” Report cards are scrutinised like court verdicts, and anything less than an A is met with “What is this? Do you want to end up a bus conductor?”

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But this pressure doesn’t create excellence, it only creates anxiety. Kids grow up terrified of failure, equating their worth with their grades. Some resort to cheating just to avoid punishment. Others develop crippling perfectionism, never feeling “good enough” no matter how much they achieve.

Worst of all? It kills creativity. A child who is only praised for coming first will never take risks, explore new ideas, or discover their true passions. They’ll just chase validation.

Parents should learn to celebrate effort, not just results. A child who tries their hardest but gets a B is not a disappointment; they’re learning. And learning is what childhood is for.

3. The cane solves everything

The Nigerian parents’ favourite “teaching tool”: the koboko, belt, slipper, or “anything within reach.”

The logic is that their parents used the same method and they ‘turned out fine.’ Unfortunately, that’s false. If you think violence is the only way to teach, you didn’t turn out fine.

Yes, discipline is necessary. But there’s a difference between correction and trauma. When a child is beaten for every mistake, they don’t learn why something is wrong, they just learn to avoid getting caught. Worse, they grow up associating love with pain, believing that hurting someone ‘for their own good’ is normal.

Ever noticed how many adults flinch when someone raises a hand too quickly? Or how some parents laugh about “the time I beat my child so hard the cane broke”? That’s not discipline, it’s unresolved trauma.

Discipline should teach, not terrorise.

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4. My child, my retirement plan

Nothing hits harder than the classic Nigerian parent line: “After all I’ve done for you!” Many of us were raised with the unspoken expectation that we must pay back our parents’ sacrifices, financially, emotionally, and even by sacrificing our own dreams.

Want to study art instead of medicine? “After all the school fees I paid?!” This mentality turns parenthood into a transaction, and children into lifelong debtors.

Kids don’t owe their parents for raising them. Parenting is a choice, not an investment scheme. Support your child’s dreams, and if they choose to help you later, let it come from love, not guilt.

5. “Parents never apologise”

In Nigerian parenting, admitting fault is seen as a weakness. The unspoken rule is clear: Parents don’t owe explanations, let alone apologies.

This creates a dangerous dynamic where children learn that authority figures are never wrong, a problematic lesson in a world where everyone, including parents, makes mistakes.

What’s fascinating is how selectively some parents quote Scripture. They’ll emphatically cite “Children, obey your parents” (Ephesians 6:1), but conveniently ignore the very next verse that commands: “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger…” (Ephesians 6:4).

Children who internalise that they don’t deserve accountability breed resentment that lasts into adulthood. A simple “I was wrong, I’m sorry” doesn’t weaken parental authority. After all, if we expect children to apologise for their mistakes, shouldn’t we lead by example?

Let’s raise kids who feel heard, not silenced.

ALSO READ: 5 things parents shouldn’t buy for their children

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Lifestyle

Why wedding rings are worn on the fourth finger of the left hand

Published

2 hours ago

May 1, 2025

Julie

Contents

1. Children should be seen, not heard 2. If you’re not first, you’re a failure 3. The cane solves everything 4. My child, my retirement plan 5. “Parents never apologise”

Have you ever stopped to wonder why wedding rings are worn on the fourth finger of the left hand?

This is the usual practice with Western tradition and most of us grew up to see it done that way.

Well, if you have ever wondered, here is why wedding rings are worn on the fourth finger of the left hand.

The most popular explanation for this tradition can be traced back to ancient Rome.

During that time, the Romans believed that a special vein, called the vena amoris (Latin for “vein of love”), ran directly from the fourth finger on the left hand straight to the heart.

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This means that when you wear your wedding ring on this finger, there is a symbolic connection between the couple’s love and their heart, cute right?

Well, while this might have started the tradition of wearing wedding rings on the fourth finger of the left hand, it is important to note that modern anatomy has since debunked the existence of this specific “love vein” because apparently, all our fingers have veins.

But this has not stopped the wedding ring tradition and couples still wear their wedding rings on that finger.

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In addition to this, it is important to note that there are some practical reasons why the wedding ring is worn on the fourth finger of the left hand.

For right-handed people (who make up the majority of the world), wearing a ring on the left hand means it’s less likely to get damaged or interfere with daily tasks. It’s less dominant, less exposed, and therefore, safer.

ALSO READ: Modern Nigerian Weddings: Trends, traditions & budgeting tips

At the end of the day, it really comes down to every couple to choose whichever finger they want to wear their wedding rings and it’s not a compulsory rule.

Some couples these days even choose to buck this tradition and wear their rings on chains around their necks, tattooing ring fingers, or wearing them on the right hand based on religious or cultural preferences.

Others do not even wear rings at all.

Well, now you know why wedding rings are worn on the fourth finger of the left hand, are you going to follow this tradition?

ALSO READ: Planning for a typical Nigerian wedding – Who should bear the cost?

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Lifestyle

Pros and cons of using tampons

Published

5 hours ago

May 1, 2025

Julie

Contents

Pros of using tampons It’s discreet and comfortable It doesn’t restrict daily activities No odour worries It’s way lighter Cons of Using Tampons Risk of toxic shock syndrome (TSS)Can be difficult to insert (especially at first)Not the best choice for light flow days Environmental concerns May not be suitable for everyone

Ever wondered if you should switch from pads to tampons for your period?

Apart from pads, tampons are one of the most popular choices for periods especially when it comes to comfort and convenience during your menstrual cycle.

But like every product, tampons come with both benefits and drawbacks.

Whether you’re new to them or have been using them for years, here are the pros and cons of using tampons.

Pros of using tampons

It’s discreet and comfortable

Tampons are small and easy to carry around discreetly in a purse or pocket.

Once inserted correctly, you can barely feel them, which makes them ideal for women who want a more low-key way to manage their period.

It doesn’t restrict daily activities

Unlike pads, tampons are more flexible when it comes to some activities.

You can swim, run, dance, and even wear tight outfits without worrying about visibility or discomfort.

This makes them a top choice for athletes and active individuals.

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No odour worries

Because tampons absorb menstrual blood internally, they’re less likely to cause the odour that sometimes comes with using pads, especially on hot days or after long hours.

It’s way lighter

Tampons don’t come with the bulky feel of pads. That makes them especially convenient during travel or long workdays.

ALSO READ: How many times daily should women change menstrual pads and tampons?

Cons of Using Tampons

Risk of toxic shock syndrome (TSS)

Though rare, TSS is a serious bacterial infection associated with prolonged tampon use.

To reduce your risk, you should change your tampon every 4–8 hours and never use a higher absorbency than necessary.

Can be difficult to insert (especially at first)

For beginners, using tampons can feel intimidating or uncomfortable. It might take a few tries to get the hang of proper insertion and positioning, which can be a barrier for some users.

ALSO READ: Here’s what tampons do to your hymen

Not the best choice for light flow days

On light-flow days, tampons can feel dry and uncomfortable. Removing a barely saturated tampon can cause vaginal irritation or microtears in the vaginal lining.

Environmental concerns

Most tampons are single-use and not biodegradable, contributing to period waste. Unless you’re using organic or eco-friendly brands, their production and disposal can have an environmental impact.

ALSO READ: The history of sanitary pads: What did women use before tampons and pads?

May not be suitable for everyone

Tampons may not be advisable for women with certain medical conditions, vaginal sensitivities, or infections.

So, should you use tampons?

Well, it does come with many benefits and if you are not affected by the cons, you should try tampons.

But then, at the end of the day, the best menstrual product is the one that makes you feel safe, comfortable, and confident.

ALSO READ: What to do if a tampon is stuck inside you

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Lifestyle

Panic as stylist goes missing after joining mysterious prayer group

Published

8 hours ago

May 1, 2025

Julie

Contents

A Nigerian entrepreneur identified as Nkechi Harry-Ngonadi has raised an alarm concerning the disappearance of a Nigerian stylist known as Ejiro, CEO of @stylebyejiro.

According to her, the stylist has been missing for over two weeks with all efforts to reach her so far proving abortive.

Harry-Ngonadi further highlighted that Ejiro had joined a “special prayer group” on social media, after which she reportedly closed her thriving business, sold all her possessions, and vanished without a trace.

She then pleaded with the public to assist with vital information about the stylist’s whereabouts, adding that she intends to pursue legal action.

In her words,

WHERE IS EJIRO, CEO @stylebyejiro? Few weeks ago, my heart was troubled about two amazing ladies who were close to me and suddenly disappeared, and one of them is Ejiro. I have been praying intensely for both ladies, and my heart wasn’t at rest concerning Ejiro, especially. I tried calling and sending messages but to no avail. I reached out to her family, and what I heard was troubling, but I decided to carry out my personal investigations.

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She continued,

I was told she joined a prayer group here on social media and ever since she joined them, Ejiro’s life and business went down hill until she closed up completely, sold everything she own and disappeared in thin air..

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And added,

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2 weeks ago was her birthday, and like previous birthdays, I called to pray with her, I haven’t been able to reach her till date.Please, anyone with any vital information should reach out to me because I intend to take this up legally. Ejiro needs help. Please pray for her. #whereisejiro

Ejiro’s disappearance has raised various concerns, with onlookers questioning the credibility of prayer groups on social media.

Popular food content creator and influencer, Sisi Yemmie, wrote on X:

Apparently there are a couple of groups on instagram/social media that lures successful women (9ja) under the name of religion, makes them turn their backs to their families, takes over their business and properties and you never see these women again… things dey occur.

Apparently there are a couple of groups on instagram/social media that lures successful women (9ja) under the name of religion, makes them turn their backs to their families, takes over their business and properties and you never see these women again… things dey occur.
— SisiYėmmié.com 🌶 (@Sisi_Yemmie) April 29, 2025

Another user wrote:

A family came to do thanksgiving in one of the groups, that God gave them a fully furnished house. Turns out, the house belongs to one of their member Ejiro, who has been reported missing by her family members after selling & shutting down her business. It’s a rabbit hole.

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An observer commented:

The spirit of wanting to belong is what’s killing some Nigerian women on that app! Joining group for prayers as per !!! All the prayer channels on YouTube is not enough for them! Good for all them.

The spirit of wanting to belong is what’s killing some Nigerian women on that app!
Joining group for prayers as per !!! All the prayer channels on YouTube is not enough for them! Good for all them . https://t.co/xuOQUkjkqp
— Your Rich Auntie💷💳💎 (@EgoNneCharlie) April 29, 2025

Another netizen wrote:

Watch “Dancing with the devil” you would understand the tactics of these religious cults. They prey on the sweet, kind, generous and selfless people as victims, find their weakness and drain it until they are brainwashed completely. Women !”Avoid digital prayer circles”

Watch "Dancing with the devil" you would understand the tactics of these religious cults.
They prey on the sweet, kind, generous and selfless people as victims, find their weakness and drain it until they are brainwashed completely.
Women !"Avoid digital prayer circles"❌❌ https://t.co/seiVPe1HKV
— Oma |SOCIAL MEDIA MARKETING (@thebrandOma) April 29, 2025

The story is still unfolding as of the time of this report.

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